Monday, June 10, 2013

The Too's of The Two's

My offspring turned two years old last month. I won’t deny that I dreaded it. Why? You know why. It is accompanied by its own, widely-acknowledged nickname, for heaven’s sake! The Terrible Two’s.



Turns out The Two’s in my house are actually originating a brand new nickname all their own…they’re known as the Thirsty Thirty-Three’s…and apparently no amount of coffee or tequila can make The Two’s feel easier.

Armed with nothing but exasperation and a keen sense of humor, I navigate The Two’s carefully…making diligent mental notes in an effort to learn from my near constant mistakes. While The Two’s change the rules in an infinite, and completely unfair, cycle of near disaster, I am clearly at a distinct disadvantage, however, I have noticed a few patterns of behavior that seem to help guide me. Allow me to introduce you to The Too’s…if you haven’t already met…

Too Independent

For real son, you actually DO need someone to help you put your shirt on the right way…and believe it or not, this actually isn’t my first rodeo. Also, holding my hand is still mandatory in busy parking lots, and no you don’t always get to pick what we watch on TV. Heed this warning: Too Independent is often accompanied by Too Bossy. The “bossy” position has already been filled in this house, and it turns out that Mom doesn’t really like to share either. How do you like dem apples?! You don’t. Which typically leads to…

Too. Much. Crying.

Here to answer the age-old question, “Is it really possible to run out of tears?” is my two year old. Interestingly enough, the answer is no. Also known as “white noise” in my house at this point. Nobody worry, he’s just mad that the blue Chuggington train car is moving faster than the red Chuggington train car. Logically...

Too Much Talking

While the words aren’t always clear…and they often don’t belong in the same sentence together, they are never in short supply now. Our sparkling conversations about bugs and cookies are often highlighted with words like “doo-doo-head” and “poopy-butt”. Having a four year old cousin rules, if I haven’t mentioned that before. Silence truly is golden. I never fully understood that adage until right now.

Too Busy

Sorry Mom, no time to eat, or put shoes on, or listen to you for even a second, I’m super busy kicking the refrigerator door right now. Also, I don’t plan to eat anything healthy anymore. Ever. So, good luck with that.

Too Tired

He’s been rubbing his eyes for the last five hours. He can’t stop yawning. His tiny body is growing like a weed right now. But, if you even suggest the word nap it’s about to be all “Where’s Waldo” up in here. Also, early bedtimes are for the birds now too. Hope you hate sleep as much as he does.

Too Much Interest in Life as a Nudist

Put your shirt back on, bro! And your pants while you’re at it! I understand the whole “getting to know your body”/self-exploration stage, but WOW! I was not ready for this much Full Monty. Please put your dangly bits back in your Pull Up so that you’re not so tempted to pee on the carpet. Again.

Too Smart for His Own Good

I won’t lie, I underestimated the brain power of this one. Also, the penchant for mischief. It’s a really good thing that I had those eyes installed in the back of my head back when I birthed him, because there’s no telling what sort of chaos he’d up to when I wasn’t watching. Being too smart and too sneaky also usually results in something, or someone, getting way too messy way too fast.

Too Funny and Too Cute to be Mad at for Too Long

This, alas, is probably the only reason that I still let him live with me. That smile…those hugs…that “I’m sowwie, Mommy” is far too irresistible. He’s a joyful soul. I adore that. One of my best friends refers to her preschooler’s life as “one big victory lap”. I love this idea. I see so much of that mantra in my own toddler’s spirit. It’s a tricky phase to navigate, but at least I love to hate it. He’s made damn sure of that.

The other shiny gem amidst the confusion and wreckage? None of these Too’s last for Too long! He bounces from one to the other and back again before I even know what hit me. A bit schizophrenic? Yes! But, also never ever boring. Some days with him are really hard, but most of the time when I look at him, it still seems TOO good to be true.

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Author’s Note: Before you start warning me that the “Three’s” are even worse, please don’t! I’ve already heard it. Also, it’s sort of like telling someone at a busy street fair who’s been waiting in line for almost an hour to use a port-a-potty, “Do NOT go in there!” I’m going in. Even if it really stinks. There’s no turning back now…


35 comments:

  1. Hi! Mine turns two in four months and he's already a nudist, cries over anything and won't touch anything healthy!

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  2. Oh no...you're probably in all kinds of trouble then! Although, maybe he'll be done with them quicker too ;)

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  3. I hear it's either the terrible two's OR the trying threes...not both. I think you'll be okay. If not there's always more wine and tequila.

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    1. Oh dear, I really hope you're right! I'm gonna need a bigger glass ;)

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  4. Well, what can I say, after you have said it all. Well done! Your post is true and sweet and written with so much love.

    OpinionsToGo

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  5. Oh gawd... so much dangly bits... And it's more fun if you can show strangers.... I loved this post! It was TOO FUNNY! :)

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    1. It's true...he doesn't discriminate with who sees his dangly bits...we're gonna have to work on this one...

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  6. Oh wow you brought me right back to the two's!!! I did it three times and you are so right, the two's are too!!!! I remember the naked babies running around, the, I can do it myself's, and the gray hair causing, I'm too cool to hold your hand, in the parking lot!!!! And you are so right they are also, too cute!! That must be the plan, right, hard to say mad at someone who is making you laugh and grow old at the same time!! Thanks! I know this is going to seem silly, but I sort of miss all of that now that I'm in the too cool teen and tween years!

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    1. Thank you so much Kathy! I dread the teens way more than the two's...they seem way less cute ;)

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  7. I won't tell you anything because you've already heard me say it all! Just a tiny hint...fearsome fours ain't for sissies!

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    1. This is bad news, since I am obviously a sissy!!!!! ;)

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  8. I just learned to pick my battles, because seriously, who has time for ALL that shit?! You want to struggle for 10 minutes trying to put your shirt on by yourself...go for it! I can make myself a coffee, drink it, and check my email in the meantime! :D
    But, honestly, at the end of the day, aren't they just so very cute?!! :)

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    1. Picking your battles...sage advice Mama! The cuteness always prevails!

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  9. OK, first of all, hilarious! Thirsty Thirties...White Noise...Dangling bits... that was so entertaining! And yeah, you pretty much nailed it. And I HATED it when people said that bit about three being worse- it doesn't matter if parts of three are worse or not, why both saying it? Some things get easier with every age, and you pick up a few new challenges... Also, I tried to share this on Google+ and tag you, but I think I totally botched it. I either shared it twice, or zero times. :( I'll settle for reliable old Twitter...

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    1. Thanks Stephanie! I appreciate you sharing it! We laugh so we don't cry, right? If we cried, we'd be just as bad as them anyway ;)

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  10. So true, so true. My 19 month old daughter is already in the throes of The Terrible Twos (what a misnomer!). Fine one minute, thrashing about on the floor crying the next. Often times, for NO apparent reason.

    Just this weekend, she had a full on Cat 5 meltdown when I tried to put her in the carseat after leaving a store. Back arching, attempting to fling herself out of it, the whole nine yards. Screaming The. Entire. Time. as though she was being murdered. I was sweating by the time it was all over and felt like I needed a shot of vodka at 11am!

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  11. Ahh! I love this! My guy will be two in two weeks. In my experience, our two year olds engage in TOO much yelling! And occasional screaming. (We have a very loud house!)

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    1. Too much yelling for SURE! I am usually one of the culprits of this one too...It's hard to make those little weirdos hear us, right?!

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  12. Loved this! So true and so funny! I won't say anything about the 3-year-old life. But has anyone broken the news about 4-year-olds?? Just kidding. Sorta. Not really. At all. Hang in there! At least we're all in it together, right? RIGHT?!

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    1. The Four's...I can't wait to hit an age without a reputation ;) How's 7? Anyone?? ;)

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  13. Ha! Love the post and I totally miss the two's! They're so stinkin' cute!

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  14. You nailed it perfectly! :) Just last night my 2 year old threw a tantrum because he wanted to wear 2 shirts over each other to bed, plus his shoes and socks. After realizing early I wouldn't win and I had to choose my battles, I let him take that one (then undressed him once he was asleep) :)

    I wanted to invite you to join our Meet & Greet Blog Hop! It runs Tuesday nights till the end of Saturday, come link up if you have some time :)

    http://createdbylaurie.blogspot.com/2013/06/meet-greet-blog-hop-29.html

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    1. Thanks Laurie! I'll have to check out the hop!

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  15. I won't even mention the forking fourteens then...

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    1. Oh. Great. Who should I send my letter of resignation to?

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  16. I love this Jen! It's so frustrating, but you love him to pieces and that's all that matters, right? ;-) My Mom tells me often that God made them so cute at this age for a reason, so we won't toss them out the window!

    The Terrible Twos started at 15 months and went on until well into the fours. BUT... she's a female. My son had the terrible twos and then it was all right. So there's hope for you!

    I was so happy to see you pop up on my facebook today (even if I am two days late reading this). YAY! :-D

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  17. Yeah - Emmeline walked into the road yesterday insisting "Me don't need to howd hands. Me are big." Thankfully our road is not very busy but boy did I flip!!!!

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  18. Love you, Jen! No forewarnings from this guy. I will just sit back and wait for the three's post so I can have a good laugh. These childrens are so much work but def do make up for it in cuteness department.

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  19. This is seriously a great guide. You should submit it to HuffPost Parents. I especially like the last one. No matter how much our son pushes our buttons, the Missus and I always come back to "He is so darn cute!". Well done, Mom!
    Justin Knight- Writing Pad Dad
    Writing Pad Dad Blog

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  20. Happy to be your newest #1 fan!
    Your blog is adorable!!

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  21. Oh mama we are so in the same boat! Want to meet for a Tequila shot or five later? My youngest just turned two as well. I always say they are cute for a reason...it allows us to melt and forget all the other crap even just for a little while. I must share this! xoxo

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  22. Part of me wants to say to you "oh you just wait"....but I won't....except for I just did. Shit.

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