Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap! This community blogging event is brought to you by one of my very favorite lady bloggers, Karen over at Baking in a Tornado. If you think this whole thing is as awesome as I do, or you'd like to join in on the fun next time, please go over there and tell her! She puts a lot of work in to pulling all of us hooligans together to write in these fun new ways! Go show her some love!
Okay...back to why you're here...17 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a subject to interpret in their own writing style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.
My subject is:
Incorporate one of the two following phrases in your blog post: "Don't pick up the phone..." OR "Don't answer the door..."
It was submitted by the enormously funny lady behind http://rebekaches.blogspot.com/
Here goes nothin'...
I was one of the last of my family and friends around my age to have a baby, so I've been incredibly fortunate in the hand-me-downs department. I've gotten incredible clothing, furniture and of course, toys from all of these generous souls. Most of the time, the stuff is amazing. But sometimes, just sometimes it's a total nightmare...
Have you ever seen one of those creepy dolls with one eye that won't close, and you just KNOW that it is looking right into your soul? As a boy, my husband owned a clown doll exactly like the one from the movie, "Poltergeist". He tells a story that after watching the movie with his brothers, he went upstairs to his room and tossed the clown out of the second story window. His dad found the clown on the front lawn the next morning and quietly returned it to his bed as he slept. When my husband awoke...he just knew that the clown was obviously back for a reckoning. Can we all just agree...No more clown dolls!
The age of the electronic toys have ushered in a new kind of creepy. The talking kind. Yep, Chucky...I'm looking at you. (I seriously hope that you're not looking at me though!)
I can almost hear the jerks working in the Mattel or Playskool offices right now. They're all "Hey, I've got an idea! You know that new toy we're designing? Let's program it to speak only when conditions are completely dark...approximately six hours after anyone has finished interacting with it. Let's make it say something really good like, 'I can SEE you.'" This is obviously followed by laughter and tons of douchey high fives. Then these tiny pieces of evil, built by unfortunate and unknowing factory-workers in some third-world nation, are shipped back and made available for our overpriced consumption from gross Wal-Mart shelves everywhere.
All that being said, I'm getting out of the business of accepting hand-me-down toys. I've come to the conclusion that it's sort of like those people who con suckers into moving into their haunted house. They're like, "Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that the cow in the Fisher Price Barn will moo every six minutes...even if you take the batteries out." Gee, thanks.
Recently we became the hand-me-down-owners of an activity table that was obviously a descendant of Chucky's frightening family tree. It would lay dormant for hours, then in the tiniest child's voice that it could muster, it would suddenly call out, "Hello? Is anybody there?" I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I almost shouted "NO!", then grabbed my family and bolted out the door...half expecting the legs of the table to spring into action and begin charging after us. And, although we'd miss it, we could never actually return to our beloved family home, because I'd only look back long enough to sprinkle on a little gasoline and set it ablaze. I'm fairly certain that the arson investigators would understand.
I get it. The era of technology-driven, highly interactive toys is upon us, and it is probably not going anywhere anytime soon. But, I do miss toys that require a little more imagination...like Lincoln Logs and stuffed bears that don't ask me to hold them. Seriously, there are enough people talking in my house already. I don't need some weird little robot tossing his two cents into the mix.
Consider yourself warned...If an old family friend "gifts" your child a little plastic phone that their family has "outgrown," it's very probably eventually going to start ringing in a dark room at approximately 3:15am some foggy night...waking you from the first restful sleep that you've managed to get in weeks...Just remember, WHATEVER YOU DO...DON'T PICK UP THE PHONE!"
Image courtesy of: http://www.neatorama.com/2007/06/19/grace-westons-creepy-baby-art/
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there: