I haven't slept well in over two years. Most days I feel over-worked, underpaid, impatient, vaguely mean-spirited, and basically the shell of the woman that I once was. When people ask me how things are, I'm honest. I'll give them all the gory details about my sleep deprivation, about the six teeth in my toddlers head that have been torturing that little person, and my whole freaking family, making us miserable for the last fourteen months...and STILL aren't here. I tell them about the seemingly endless drama at work and so on. I probably sound like a hot mess who is unable to harness her Chi, and is somehow managing to ignore all of the blessings and good things in her life. I'm not sure why people even talk to me any more. Honestly. I'm a total pill.
I'm over it. I am in the middle of a full-blown epiphany, in fact.
There are things happening all around me right now that make me so sad...for other people...instead of my stupid, self-indulgent self for a change. Children in Syria are running from missiles...right now. There are families still uprooted and homeless from Sandy all along the East Coast who aren't certain where they'll be living come December 27th. I know more than one mother who will be spending Christmas Day in the hospital, praying over their sick child's bedside, desperately hoping for answers and miracles. There are families affected by today's unthinkable school shooting who will be burying their beautiful little children this Christmas. I can't possibly imagine the universe-shattering reality of this.
I have let my situation at home get the better of me. I'm ashamed of that. Being tired...having a cold again...those are inconveniences. Those are not tragedies.
I have a warm home that I like very much. I have plenty to eat. I'm married to a good man who works hard and loves me to the farthest corners of the Earth. I have a clever, healthy, handsome son with a kind heart and a brilliant sense of humor for someone so very small. He is cared for during the day by my eternally generous mother who has more patience inside of her than any other human that I've ever known. She helps share so much of my workload at home. I have a career that leaves me feeling fulfilled most days. I am fairly compensated for my work there. I enjoy so many of the people who share my office with me. I have some of the best friends that a woman could possibly ask for. I have a caring sister, adorable nephews and nieces, and an extended family filled with wonderful people. I have medical insurance. A reliable form of transportation. My health. I have blessings coming out of my ever-lovin' ears.
It's time for me to shut up already. My life may not be perfect, but it is very, very good.
Extra sleep, extra money, extra time would all be nice. But, I have everything that I need. That is such a gift.
I am done with pity-parties...with complaints about my puffy eyes or the long day that I just had.
I truly am one of the lucky ones. I intend to start acting like it.
I intend to start devoting more of myself to those who are not.
This is not a New Year's Resolution. This is a new life resolution.
If you catch me forgetting this, or falling into old patterns, please just send me this link.
I hope that you'll take a few moments to count your blessings today too. And maybe you'll hug your "terrible two" a little tighter tonight. Maybe you'll find a little or a big way to help someone who needs it too.
Let's totally do this together, you guys...
Can you imagine how different our life, our perspective, the world around us might look in six months?
If peanut keeps me up AGAIN tonight, it's okay. I'll definitely be tired tomorrow...but mostly, I'll be grateful.
Life gets absolutely NO better than this...